ABU DHABI: UAE security forces have launched a massive ‘ring of
steel’ security operation to stop irritating side kick, Jar Jar Binks,
from reaching the new Star War film set.
“It would be a disaster for all humanity if this deeply annoying,
demographic-driven and utterly vacuous irritant, who was only included
in the ‘Phantom Menace’ to appeal to under-7s, were to make it into the
next Star Wars franchise,” said Abu Dhabi police commander, Lt. Khalid
Al Hosseni.
“The reputation of the armed forces is at stake,” he said. “Binks’
high-pitched, cloyingly ‘humorous’ antics will not be tolerated for the
months that Star Wars is filming here,” he said.
Binks, described as 172cm tall and from the Gungan tribe, was last
seen on the perimeter fence of the set in the Western Region of the Abu
Dhabi desert, swigging from a bottle and arguing with security guards
that he should be allowed to speak to George Lucas.
“Imma have a rap with George Lucas, know what I’m saying Bro?” he
said, in a deeply annoying and racial offensive take on Caribbean
American speech patterns for which he has become globally despised.
Binks, consistently voted the most tedious film character of all
time, later returned to his hotel room in Abu Dhabi to sell junk bonds
to Florida retirees over the phone.
“Imma only do phone sales part time,” he told our reporter. “Imma be a star again, know what I’m sayin’?” he added.
(Official Source: The Pan-Arabia Enquirer)
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