Monday, 8 September 2014

New luxury cinema service allows guests to sleep through film and have someone tell them what happens after

Dream Factory Consumers

With 5-star offerings such as reclining seats and waiter services already prevalent across many Gulf cinemas, film fans in need of a little more luxury will soon have a new option to choose from.
Landing in multiplexes over the next couple of months, CineSnooze is a brand new technology that is being billed as “the ultimate movie theatre experience”.

Upon entering the CineSnooze fitted cinema screen, each guest will be taken to their own freshly made bed and given a warm mug of hot chocolate to help sooth them off to sleep. Earbuds and an eyemask will also be provided so the film doesn’t interrupt them throughout the entire experience.
“We found that so many of our customers choosing cushioned premium seats were falling asleep within minutes of sitting down, so thought we should cater to their unspoken demands, which in this case was for pocket sprung mattresses, 100 per cent Egyptian cotton sheets and Hungarian goose down pillows,” said Javier Ghent, regional manager at ArabCinePlex, which has been developing the technology. 

But the real genius of CineSnooze comes into effect once the film has finished. Having been woken from their well-earned slumber, guests will sit down with a trained member of staff who will explain the film’s main story arc, central characters and plot themes, as well as providing details of essential quotes and scenes.
“We want to ensure that should a conversation regarding the film arise – whether it be about a lightweight Michael Bay actioner or a mind-boggling Jean-Luc Godard art house affair – all CineSnooze guests will be able to hold their own and offer a confident, well-considered critique,” added Ghent.

The first CineSnooze service is set to launch in Dubai next month, but tickets already on standby having sold out weeks ago. Cinemas in Abu Dhabi and Doha are now fitting dedicated CineSnooze rooms. “I see this becoming the next big deal in the region’s cinema industry,” said entertainment journalist Barry McQuigley. “Judging by the responses so far, it seems that film fans across the Gulf are crying out for the chance to put their heads down and sleep soundly through the latest multi-million dollar summer blockbusters.”
But while CineSnooze may take the premium, top-tier cinema crown, those in the cheaper seats also have something to look forward to.
“We’re going to be trialling a new concept where audiences can choose to lower the volume of the film should it begin to interrupt their conversations,” said Ghent.

Via The Pan-Arabia Enquirer

Saturday, 5 July 2014

Pasolini's Heretical Empiricism



"This language of production and consumption - and not the language of man - appears as implacably deterministic. It only wants to communicate functionally; it doesn't want to perorate or exalt or convince - advertising slogans see to all that."

- Pier Paolo Pasolini, Heretical Empiricism

Monday, 16 June 2014

$WI$$ TEAM


That's exactly how the Swiss football team would look like according to the recent referendum on immigration.

Go $witzerland...to hell!

Wednesday, 11 June 2014

A.C.A.B.

Still from Darktown Strutters

Friday, 6 June 2014

Taliban willing to return all five Taliban leaders in exchange for Jennifer Lawrence


NORTHERN AFGHANISTAN: Less than 24 hours after the controversial prisoner swap between the US government and the Taliban, leaders of the militant group have announced that they would be happy to return all five Taliban leaders in exchange for Hollywood starlet Jennifer Lawrence. “We feel this is a fair deal that should appeal to Obama,” a leader of the Afghan Taliban told Al Jazeera. “Ok, we’ll throw in another three militants.”

 It is not the first time that the mujahedins express their love and respect for Hollywood stars. Back in the 80s in fact, they had fought side by side with John Rambo against the evil Russians. The love is apparently mutual, as the final credits of Rambo III remind us.


Final credits of Rambo III

Tuesday, 27 May 2014

Massive security operation to keep Jar Jar Binks off Star Wars set


ABU DHABI: UAE security forces have launched a massive ‘ring of steel’ security operation to stop irritating side kick, Jar Jar Binks, from reaching the new Star War film set.

“It would be a disaster for all humanity if this deeply annoying, demographic-driven and utterly vacuous irritant, who was only included in the ‘Phantom Menace’ to appeal to under-7s, were to make it into the next Star Wars franchise,” said Abu Dhabi police commander, Lt. Khalid Al Hosseni.
“The reputation of the armed forces is at stake,” he said. “Binks’ high-pitched, cloyingly ‘humorous’ antics will not be tolerated for the months that Star Wars is filming here,” he said. 

Binks, described as 172cm tall and from the Gungan tribe, was last seen on the perimeter fence of the set in the Western Region of the Abu Dhabi desert, swigging from a bottle and arguing with security guards that he should be allowed to speak to George Lucas.
“Imma have a rap with George Lucas, know what I’m saying Bro?” he said, in a deeply annoying and racial offensive take on Caribbean American speech patterns for which he has become globally despised. 

Binks, consistently voted the most tedious film character of all time, later returned to his hotel room in Abu Dhabi to sell junk bonds to Florida retirees over the phone.
“Imma only do phone sales part time,” he told our reporter. “Imma be a star again, know what I’m sayin’?” he added.

(Official Source: The Pan-Arabia Enquirer)

Thursday, 22 May 2014

iAm Not, Therefore We Are

Steve Workers: guru of the working class

Monday, 5 May 2014

Israel calls for military strikes against hot Lebanese women after George Clooney proposes to girlfriend

Unprovoked Act of Terror

Groups across Israel were this morning calling for international condemnation and possible military action against hot Lebanese women following reports that George Clooney had proposed to his girlfriend Amal Alamuddin. 

The Batman & Robin star, who only last year claimed to have had no marriage aspirations, is believed to have been showing off an engagement ring with the Beirut-born barrister over the weekend, provoking a wave of anger from fans across Israel.
“We cannot allow the world to sit idly by in the face of this unprovoked act of terror,” said Lydia Cohen of the Tel Aviv George Clooney Appreciation Society. Cohen, echoing a call being heard across Israel, is now urging for military strikes against all attractive single Lebanese women to prevent such a situation from arising again. 

“These terror cells need to be dealt with swiftly before they have time to ensnare more Hollywood heartthrobs,” she added. Meanwhile, many groups expressed concern that Clooney, already considered to harbour liberal views, will have been corrupted further by Alamuddin, who will likely seek to influence the Confessions of a Dangerous Mind actor’s future cinematic choices.
“I mean, she’s a human rights lawyer, for god’s sake,” said Hayley Azgad, founder of the IDF Women Totes Adorbs Clooney Facebook page, which currently boasts over 5,300 followers.
“Clearly she’s already been feeding poor George lies and we’re no doubt going to be seeing him suddenly involved in a load of bleeding heart nonsense about settlements, injustice or other pro-Palestinian mumbo-jumbo. The great anti-Semitic takeover of Hollywood has begun.”

Israeli fears appear to have been justified this morning with the news that Clooney is now favourite to take the lead in upcoming Middle East rom-com, You Had Me At Jihad

(source: The Pan Arabia Enquirer, @arabiaenquirer)

Saturday, 3 May 2014

Against Assimilation

                                                       Video essay by Kevin B.Lee



"It is so easy for propaganda to work and dissent to be mocked"

- Harold Pinter (1930 - 2008)

Sunday, 27 April 2014